Cooking With A Two Slot Toaster: THE PLAY!
An Absurdist Comedy in Two Acts
Cooking With A Two Slot Toaster: THE PLAY is a comedy in two acts, from the author of the Gourmand International Award–winning Comedy Cookbooks of the same name. Set in 1965, two miles west of Mount Airy, NC, in an era when optimism was chrome-plated and danger came with an instruction manual, Cooking With A Two Slot Toaster: The Play asks a perfectly reasonable question: what happens when a ridiculous cookbook turns into absurd, immersive theater? Grounded in realism, influenced by Dadaist logic, and populated by a statistically accurate number of men named Michael (all of them), the play centers on the toaster, or more specifically, its springs. A family gets hornswoggled into buying a gimmicky upgrade for their toaster and all hell breaks loose! These innovative luxury toaster springs, engineered by the Jettison Toaster Spring Company, were designed to launch food with cheerful precision from toaster straight to plate. Naturally, the fire department becomes involved several times. The result is a play that’s funny, unsettling, and unexpectedly precise, a reminder that progress often arrives with a smile, a pamphlet, and no exit plan. As the Michaels confidently explain, demonstrate, and misunderstand their way through modern convenience, the line between performance and reality blurs. A simple kitchen appliance becomes the centerpiece of confidence, conformity, and increasingly questionable decision-making. What could possibly go wrong? Kitchen chaos leaves the audience laughing, occasionally ducking, and fully immersed in this unique theatrical experience.
Cooking With A Two Slot Toaster: THE PLAY
Paperback Edition and Stage Manager’s Edition are available below!
Buy the spiral-bound Stage Manager’s Edition here!
Books are also sold in person, and all forms of payment are accepted (including credit/debit cards).
.7m, 2w with doubling | 110 mins | 2 acts with 3 scenes per act (plus pre-built announcements, curtain call, and an epilogue)
Read more on the National New Play Network / NPX
Get Everything You’ll Need Right Here!
Manuscripts:
Stage Manager’s Edition Script
License Request (Quick responses! Production script will be provided during licensing)
Logistics:
Ground Plan Suggestions & Ideas
Pre-made Editable Program FRONT [Right click – Save As – Open in Photohop]
Pre-made Editable Program REAR [Right click – Save As – Open in Photoshop]
Stage Mockups
Optional Sound Effects & Background Music:
Download the royalty-free sound effect zip file package here!
Download the royalty-free background music zip file here!
Merch & Giveaways:
Nametag stickers (to give to audience members named Michael as they arrive)
Editable Fire Citation Printouts (to give to audience members as they leave the theater) [Right Click – Save As – Open in Photoshop]
Jettison Toaster Springs (to sell after Act I concludes)
Jettison Toaster Springs Labels
Jettison Toaster Springs Baggies
Jettison Toaster Springs Warning Labels
Dessert Napkins (to give out with the program)
Apparel:
Jettison Toaster Co. Long Sleeve T-shirt
Jettison Toaster Co. Youth T-shirt
Need anything else? Contact me!
Other publications by Patrick R. F. Blakley:
Drummy Drum, Drummond Novel, Quadratics, User Manual, Info Packet, Drumline Warmups, Pit Warmups, Drumset Warmups, and Articles.




